I remember the moment like it was yesterday.
We were standing behind the gym and my son had just come off a rough basketball game. He was being way too hard on himself and I was scrambling for words, trying to tell him that his worth and value don’t come from how well he plays. I wanted so badly to reach him, to take that heavy weight off his shoulders. But no matter what I said, it didn’t feel like enough. I was anxious and scared—that if I didn’t say or do the right thing, this moment could leave him with some unhelpful baggage for a lifetime.
Not long after that, my daughter got caught up in some painful friend drama at school. She had chosen to follow Jesus’s teaching for her life over how her friends wanted her to act and to be. And her friends walked away from her because of it. She was heartbroken. I tried again to offer comfort, to remind her how deeply she’s loved by her mom, by me, and most of all, by God. But again, it didn’t seem like what I had to say was enough.I definitely didn’t feel like I was the dad she needed in that moment. I felt inadequate.
Dads, have you ever been there? You’re giving it your all, but it still feels like it’s not enough? Wishing you had the perfect words or wisdom, but afraid you’re coming up short? Maybe even worried that something you say or don’t say, or do or don’t do, might leave your kids with a wound they’ll carry?
You’re not alone.
The truth is, a lot of us feel this way. We just don’t talk about it. We think it’s only us.
But it’s not.
With Father’s Day coming up, these thoughts rise to the surface for me. My kids are 19, 17 and 16 now, and wow… what a ride it’s been! And still is. On Father’s Day, they’re usually trying to creatively honour and celebrate me. And I’m so grateful. But sometimes, in the quiet places of my mind, a voice whispers, “You don’t deserve it.” I start replaying the things I wish I’d done differently. Said better. Handled with more wisdom.
But here’s what I’m learning… and maybe what you need to hear too.
Feeling “inadequate” doesn’t mean you’ve failed. In fact, it might be exactly where God wants you.
Because it’s when we feel weak, when we know we don’t have all the answers, when we’re stretched and unsure, that we’re finally in the perfect place to lean into God.
James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault.” This promise has been a lifeline for me. Over and over again, I’ve gone to God with nothing but a confused father's heart and a desperate father's prayer: “Help me. I don’t know what to do right now.” And God has met me there. Not always with a lightning bolt of clarity, but with a steady reminder that I’m not meant to do this alone and He’s ultimately got this.
Parenting is messy. I feel like it’s the hardest job on the planet, yet the most rewarding too.
Here’s the truth. When we love our kids consistently. When we show up and are truly present. When we rely on God for wisdom instead of trying to do it all in our own strength. God can use all of that. Even the broken, unfinished, uncertain pieces.
He has a bigger story for our kids than we can see. His ways are higher than ours. His plans are perfect, even when ours fall short.
And He gave you your kids on purpose. They’re not with you by accident. You are the dad God chose for them. Not a perfect one. Not someone else. You.
I think of 2 Corinthians 12:9, where God says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” That’s a promise we can hold onto. Because it means we don’t need to have it all figured out. We just need to keep showing up. Keep loving. Keep asking for help. And keep trusting that God is doing something in the midst of it all.
If you’re feeling like me today—unsure, tired, maybe even a little defeated—take a breath. Be kind to yourself. This Father’s Day, give yourself the gift of grace. Not because you’re nailing everything, but because God is still at work in you and through you.
Keep loving. Keep trying. Keep leaning in.
Because your kids don’t need a perfect dad.
They need a present one.
And you’re more than enough when you’re walking with the One who is.
Here are two questions to reflect on this Father’s Day:
Where are you feeling the most inadequate or unsure as a dad right now? What would it look like to bring that to God today?
What’s one small way you can be fully present with your kids this week—no big speech, correction or opinion needed, just your presence?